Chivalry Lives On

There are certain things that happen here I’m pretty sure are an “east coast” thing and not a “New York” thing. In general, New York defies east coast stereotypes. It’s what Austin is to Texas; a little oasis that goes against the tradition and culture of the greater geographic region.
The East Coast has a reputation of being rather stuffy, especially to people on the left coast. People regard east coasters as an aloof group that marinates in tradition (not unlike the olives in their collective martinis). This tradition is one of class, blue bloods, cardigan sweaters, headbands, pearls, swinging clubs and joining clubs, Ivy league educations, meals with more than one fork, season opera tickets…you get the idea. Think Connecticut or the window of Brooks Brothers – this, for better or worse, is the Northern East Coast stereotype.
But New York? It ain’t like that. Sure, you can go 40 miles due north or northwest and run smack into it, but New York City is too diverse to play that game. The East Coast may have a white bread reputation, but New York is multigrain.
One of the carry-overs though, has to be chivalry. I don’t think I’ve opened a door for myself in a public building. If there is a man in the vicinity, he does it for me. On the elevator, women are always the first ones on and the first ones off. If there’s a large group waiting for the elevator, women get on first…even if they weren’t there first!
A man got in front of me yesterday as we filed onto the subway. I didn’t think anything of it, but as the doors closed he turned to me and apologized. “I’m sorry,” he said. Out loud. It’s not like he elbowed me in the ribs. I mean, he was there first, yet he still felt compelled to apologize. He had breached social etiquette by not stepping aside and allowing me on first.
This is so weird to me. It’s a lovely gesture but it all seems rather old fashioned, especially for such a progressive city. Walk my street late on a cool evening and you’ll see woman after woman with men’s’ coats draped over their shoulders. Women are so accustomed to having doors opened for them, they often don’t even thank the man doing it. I suppose these little gestures have become invisible to people who have lived here a while, but it puts me on edge. I’m just saying – men in Portland or Sacramento or Seattle are getting on elevators in front of women every day – and no one’s feeling all that bad about it.
The other carry over is in professional dress. Now, this is based on personal experience only, I’m sure there are casual organizations and businesses in New York, but from what I’ve seen, women are expected to dress nice, and men even nicer.
I’m going to my first trade show next week for work and I have to wear (and this means, of course, purchase) a (gulp) suit. A suit? In 2010? Bill Gates and Howard Schultz are closing multi-billion dollar deals in designer jeans and mock turtlenecks, but I have to wear a suit. I’ve been dreading it for weeks. In Seattle, I was the most formal person in the office because I wore slacks instead of sweat pants.* Here, the standards are a little higher.
So I have to spend time and money to purchase something I’ll dread wearing. I guess it could be worse. I could be a man. Men in the office wear suits every day. Every. Day. They shave every morning and put on a tie, like Cary Grant or something. It’s amazing. There are actually eight shoe shining stands on my commute into work. I’ve counted. What’s more – there are often men having their shoes shined! I don’t think men in Seattle know what shoe polish is. But to be fair, it’s tough to shine converse sneakers.
This is a weird juxtaposition. New York is a city of trends. It leads the world in the latest fads, from film to fashion. Our gyms have karaoke spinning classes and DJs in the weight room. Our restaurants feature cuisine like Japanese-Cajun fusion. Our bars have nightly themes like ukulele burlesque – and yet amidst this perpetual hipness, there’s an element of old-fashioned charm thrown in. This town of trends is also a town where men have their shoes shined and still hold doors for ladies….on their way to trapeze cardio aerobics.

* I’m only slightly exaggerating. Hoodies were not uncommon at my previous place of employment.